I am 33 now, I got married at 23. I underestimated my husband by a mile. He agreed to marry me as a favor to get me away from my family. You see, I’m gay, a lesbian woman. My husband never released me. I became pregnant at 25, and then again at 28. The better to tie you down my dear.
I live in an upper income suburban home. I tried working, but I couldn’t take the separation from my child. So much for being a strong willed gay woman. I traded my life to become a housewife and bear children. Me, pregnant.
I haven’t been laid in years by another woman. I miss it, the dancing, the parties. Now, up at six, fix my husbands coffee and breakfast. Get the girls up at seven, off to school by eight. I do at least one load a day. Make the beds, sweep the kitchen, once a week vacuum. I don’t do windows. Heavy grocery shopping on Tuesdays. Errands, and mother’s get togethers on Wednesday and Friday. All my mother friends are straight, they don’t know I’m gay.
Sex is twice a week, sometimes he grabs me like a Neanderthal and drags me into the bedroom. My girls know not to bother when I’m busy. After Neanderthal sex I do bathtub, story time, bedtime with the girls. More than half the time after Neanderthal sex there is a second round. I steel myself for it.
I don’t even know if I still want to be gay. My husband doesn’t ‘give me permission.
*Name is not required.