hi, im not sure how to say this but ill start with a little about me. i am still obsessing over a single night with this boy i barely talk to anymore. he and i know each other because we went to the same middle school together and we’re in a pretty close friend group of 4, however i would consider us the least close as often we would get into small petty middle school fights. a few years since we ended up transferring to the same alternative high school. he is way sweeter (and more attractive than before) and i truly cherish him. i have always found him somewhat attractive but i decided i would try to talk to him again. he was extremely quiet at this school and i talked to him over the phone a lot since i kept getting lucky and being in the same classes with him. i asked if he wanted to hangout after we called and played video games one night together. he happily agrred. we had an amazing time that day. we met at a bus stop near his house and rode together downtown. he was extremely funny and charming and couldnt stop blushing. we stopped for food and went to the nearby arcade. i tend to go to a lot of local punk shows as thats very big where im from and he said he wanted to go to one of his first! it was typical local punk show things as in super crowded, loud and some of the best/worst music you will ever hear in your life. i saw him in insanely different ways i had before. i am so in love with him. after the show (around 9:30) i asked if he wanted to sleepover at my place. my parents gave us a ride and we stayed pretty silent in the car. when we got home we started watching tiktoks and youtube on his phone. i knew i had to act. i layed my head down on his lap and i could see him blush a bit. then i put spotify on my tv and he showed me some of his music. he really likes deftones and white girl pop from the 2010s HAHAHA. after a while of sitting on my bed in silence listenting to music, he looked at me and said “thank you for hanging out with me tonight.” i smiled and tried not to seem like i was freaking out as much as i was. i looked at him and said “ive wanted too for a while!” and then reached for his hand. we smiled and then i looked at the tv trying not to reveal how happy i was. after some time had passed we layed down together. i held his hand more and we started chatting about stupid things and our past. he slowly started to embrace me and we awkwardly hugged as normal teenagers do. i slowly started to kiss him and it was again very awkward but it seemed sweet. he told me i was his first kiss! after a while we ending up hooking up but i dont really wanna talk about it. (not that it was terrible, just seems irrelevant.) after that we ended up falling asleep together. in the morning he had to go but i couldnt stop thinking about him. theres so much more i can talk about but my hands arent used to typing this much. i’ll probably write here again about our other hangout. i dont know though, im so in love with him but i dont think he feels the same. at school he kinda just ignores me or acts like i dont know him as well as i do. its strange because at my school from what i know im regarded as a pretty innocent girl, so im not sure what he’s afraid of. im gonna wrap this up here but idk. im so conflicted.
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