ENGLISH ISN’T MY FIRST LANGUAGE
I’ve been having the same gut wrenching feelings i’d get when i was very very close to offing myself.
This feeling is something i can only describe as my stomach constantly feeling empty, even after i have eaten a full three course meal and feel as though i could throw up which i won’t but just to say i have eaten, my stomach still feels empty like there’s something missing. Not that i eat a lot to begin with. I am a girl and no i do not wish to get pregnant it’s not that kind of feeling, i’d rather drop dead than conceive a child in the next six years and anyone who tells me otherwise or thinks so can go fuck themselves.
I miss feeling the ache i’d get in my stomach after laughing too hard, or after running beyond my limits (which are smaller than a toddler’s bc i have NO stamina when it comes to running).
It’s almost like my heart’s constantly sinking to my stomach, not the way it does on a rollercoaster or during a scary movie.
My heart also feels empty, weirdly enough. I keep convincing myself that my friends don’t actually like me and that i’m annoying and that no one wants to hang out with me and i’ll only have myself in life (which is true though, you only have yourself at the end of the day (i’d love for someone to come along and prove me wrong)).
I’m not gonna commit, ever, because i’m not the kind of person to commit to such actions, i have a plan for myself in life and i know it’ll get better, but going through this is really not fun. Soo yea idk
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