There is a woman who I have always adored… always wanted to date… missed out on dating her early on as I dated someone else before she became part of my social circle even though i played part of the role/bridge of her entering it by a friend of mine. She ended up dating my best friend but we still clicked… We were besties, best friends… I would do anything for her and we clicked in so many ways…. through the years she eventually married my friend and I still was in love with her… one night during a party, she bit me and I pinned her to a fence and made out with her neck… we went back and like nothing happened… I later went through two relationships… one short and eventually a longer one… a 5-year relationship with one woman who hated her… when that ended I rekindled our friendship and spent more time with her… eventually I met someone else who I thought would get along with her… but she also hated her because she felt that I liked her more and had to make the difficult decision to end my friendship to save the relationship I had… 10 years that relationship ended and I was able to resume my friendship with my her again… like no time has lapsed… honestly it felt like I was coming “home”
I realize that I am, indeed, in love with this woman and have been for a very… very… long time. My friend and her are now in a poly relationship, they both have other partners…. the back of my mind makes me feel like I could have been one of her boyfriends if I had not been in my last relationship.
I want to clarify… that I love both of them my friend and the woman and would NEVER want their relationship to end. I am not “jealous” or want her all to myself… it that makes any sense.
I just know that I want to be with her… more than anything… its not even about lust, its not even sexual attraction that is driving me… its how we ‘clicked’ how well we got along.
I lost so much time with her, and my friend… it hurts in ways I can’t even describe…
I know I lost any chance I had to be her boyfriend… but I know that I never want to sacrifice my friendship with her for another person ever again… no matter who it is..
I just need to confess.
I love you A. I will NEVER leave again, unless I am pushed.
*Name is not required.