I met my bf online and he has always has mental issues which is completely understandable because of how he was raised and treated. He is also neurodivergent. I am technically not ND but I do have a personality disorder so there are a lot of problems that I also have to deal with that the common neurotypical won’t. Thing is, I never particularly wanted a relationship. It’s not something I ever desired. My ultimate dream in life was to be able to love freely alone. I actually think it’s kind of pathetic that some people can’t get a lover or friend if that’s what they want (mostly applies to NT people), but then there are a lot of flaws with society being shallow and judgmental so I understand it isn’t always easy. It mostly just grosses me out that it’s even a particular want. Anyway, my bf is currently at another all-time low. The other times went away sooner. I don’t live close to him nor can I just visit him just like that because of my home life. It might traumatize me: situations that are likely to arise if I suddenly go to visit him. I have tried for months to suggest things and help him. I suggested professional help with an OT (or action therapist) which was new to him. He did a good job and was completely open to it but that got shut down because of his family. He struggles with solitude and isolation IRL. For pretty much a year I have been trying to find him friends by posting online. I don’t have as much ability finding people for him, being so far. We were successful (sort of) in finding friends. He met with people. He liked them. Thing is, HE is the one to stop reaching out to them. He has been saying for so long he wanted to write to one of those people to apologize and express himself. We have been holding it off. THat person probably wants to move on with his life. I understand fully that some people struggle with executive function, motivation, etc. It hurts me that he struggles so much but he continuousy asks me HELP, PLEASE HELP without specifying how i can help. He doesn’t want to talk about his feelings. He wants action but doesn’t say what action. I brought it up again if he wants to write that message (he said he knows what he wants to say. I would type it out for him). He ignored it. Lately he has been asking me to visit him. I told him more than a week ago that I am also doing low and don’t have the proper energy to try finding help. I feel like the only thing I can try is finding groups and friends, because he always says he wants friends. I have also contacted associations to ask them for details to see if he could apply but I got no answers. I feel like he is so much to bear. I don’t know how to help him. He thinks that if I just come there then that’s good enough. It’s super difficult for me. It frustrates me because while it’s obvious he is in the most pain, this pressure I feel on me is making me feel disgusted and unpleasant. I often need time to myself and he knows that, but I haven’t had any recently because I need to be here for him, and even my type of being here is not enough. It also disgusts me so much because it seems like he is immature. I am flawed for thinking this of a man in pain, it’s true, but he makes me want to puke. He says if something doesn’t change soon he’ll die. I can’t change things for him because I am not him. He will still have that family he lives with that suppress him and don’t care. He will still be where he is. He stopped telling me about the “help” he was getting so I don’t know what to do. He mentioned going to school, an employment specialist, a type of other therapist.. HE just said “IDK” and no, he wasn’t seeing them anymore. I don’t know how he expects me to help. I ask him but he doesn’t answer
Lately, I haven’t been able to be as compassionate but I did tell him that I had lower energy because I’m not in a good place now. When I was still low but better than now, I mustered so much energy to be kind and caring. Obviously, I am kind and caring in general but it’s a lot harder to feel and even talk in a connected way when low. I recorded messages and sent him texts letting him know how much I love him. I have been here for him
Don’t know what else to do
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