Happiness

Maybe it’s not right to seek true happiness from awards or competing in events. Maybe it’s not right to seek happiness from getting as much sleep as I want, or eating all the food I want. I think happiness is something I have to choose to feel. There is excitement, and then there is happiness. What even is happiness? Do I ever feel happy?

I know I’m a teenager with raging hormones and I’m gonna cringe sooo baddd at this in the future but I don’t think my frustrations can be sorted out by fulfilling my goals. I think that happiness and contentment has to come first before I reach for my goals. I remember being content once; I wasn’t worried about anything back then. Not worried about what others thought, not worried about what I was doing, not worried about how I made others feel. I was just me.

I miss being me. I wish I didn’t have to hide or change myself. I wish I didn’t worry about not being enough for myself or for my others. I especially hate that I could be the reason someone else isn’t being themself out there. I wish we could all just be happy. Why does life have to be so complicated? I wish it was as simple as closing my eyes and telling myself that I can be happy, but something always gets in the way. I can’t push everything out of the way.

I just want to be happy.

I want to be me again.

I want to be the happiest version of me I could ever know.