every time i read about the repercussions of war in the internet like the rape of nanjing, i feel this overwhelming sense of dread. as a woman, i feel this heart wrenching fear whenever i read about what happens to women in war. i also want to have a child someday (not now since im too shitty and sloppy to raise a child. i will not torture a human being like that.) and i dont want them to grow up thinking that seeing dead bodies on the road or hearing bombs and guns is normal. i dont want them to see life as a thing only containing pain, fear, and suffering. i want to have a good life. i keep hoping that people should live in a world with no unnecessary pain and torture, but that is stupid, wishful, and naïve thinking. life is too sadistic for that. if only i felt nothing. it should make life in a cold world less agonizing. but is that still going to make me a good person? what difference do i have with bad people, if i felt no empathy for people? oh god i am now going through a moral dilemma. bruh.
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