tired of beauty standards

I don’t want to be looked at anymore. I’m exhausted. I feel like I constantly have to adhere to beauty standards so that some random guy on the internet finds me even slightly fuckable. More cover-up. Tighter clothes, should I get plastic surgery? should I lose more weight? over and over and over again I’m constantly battling with my own body to appear attractive. looking in the mirror makes me want to barf, if I even catch a glimpse of myself in my reflection I’m hit with a feeling of dreed. I wasn’t born pretty I don’t naturally have an Instagram body or a model face. When I tell people I’m not pretty and I don’t want to have to be any more they always become defensive “You’re so beautiful! you’re so hot! You just have to take care of yourself more, drink more smoothies, wear more make-up! ” and I’m so SO TIRED of it! I don’t want to HAVE TO BE PRETTY. I don’t want to have to look a certain way. I just want to exist! So what if I’m ugly, why does it have to be something I have to “fix” can’t I just live quietly!