Mid summer my friends and I, one a former music producer for BMI, were randomly discussing people we wanted to see make a musical comeback after disappearing from the scene for awhile. Your music and voice was our number one collective choice for the era. Then about a month later we were surprised to hear you were in San Antonio performing. Then sad we did not know of your event until the day after you were gone. I messaged you on social media and said “we would have driven to see you had we known you were in Texas.” However, I must confess that you as a person were never on my radar, just your music. Then you went and posted a sexy picture of your red dress and ass-etts at the Thanksgiving Day Parade. I wrote, “Thanksgiving Buffet,” as a funny comment about the things we could not see under your dress. I confess to being a bit of a flirt, and someone who prefers blondes over brunettes but knew really nothing about you or your personal life at the time. You’re hot, use to the never ending attention and you (humbly) know it.
However, I was never expecting you to suprisingly do the charity event in Houston. And I feel like you totally called my bluff because out of 7k people on the lawn, I was walked straight back to your dressing room, and caught completely off guard. Damn. See what I get for flirting? You are such a professional, very attractive and I admire that beautiful voice of yours, really who doesn’t? I just wanted to be respectful and not over step any boundaries as you were very charming and kind. You could have called me out, and turned my cheeks pink but did not. Thank goodness.
Before I went out that day and lucked out in meeting you, I did not tell you that i prayed for all the performers using Kabbalah prayers but especially for you. I invoked your name in Hebrew and honestly think my focus manifested you into my life. The entertainment business is vain and ageist and just wanted to send you extra love, light and support because it takes a lot of courage to re-enter a work scene ruled by vanity and youth years later. You are a genuinely a beautiful woman with an ageless voice. And my kindness has no strings attached.
After meeting you, there was no space to contact you or tell you what happened afterwards. You have my number but your social media is probably run by 3rd parties and it is too personal to share. I wanted to tell you that when I dream, at the end, like the last scene in a movie I am always awakened by music,. Different songs, eras, genres. I have to google the lyrics I can remember just to often figure out what song it is. After you touched me literally that day, your music was waking me from my dreams for two weeks afterwards. Not the whole song, just pieces of it were drifting over me like a haunting melody. Which has never happened to me before, and it honestly had me feeling some type of way, freaking me out a little bit to be honest. I didn’t know what to do with it.
This is not the norm, like you, I work with so many clients and meet a lot of people, clearing energy is not a problem but your music waking me felt surreal, like I was drunk by love. And I don’t know if it is because you have been a songbird since childhood so you have a lifetime of resonance in your energy field . Perhaps it is because you are Jewish, and I began studying the Kabbalah and Zohar ten years ago. I have even done exhibits for the Holocaust Museum butterfly project but your songs, over days at a time, honestly gave me soulmate vibes. Seriously, like what do I do with that when your not sleeping in my bed? Although I am bisexual, word is you are not.
I do not say this lightly, nor ever to anyone much less you. This has not happened to me ever since my best friend from age 10 turned fiance at 20 died when I was 26, we had this intuitive connection, a similar thing. So your dose of ‘drunk in love’ energy overwhelmed me and made me miss you. How is it possible to miss someone you don’t even know? Really. Esp from someone who dated for awhile afterwards but burned out on people and swore off falling in love altogether. I would rather be single than be hurt or reside in connections filled with mistrust, etc. I think it is better to be alone and I only have two years left on this planet so what does it matter anyway?
You are gorgeous and sexy, you probably have lovers all over the world but I just had to confess because I can’t tell you directly due to our professional connections. The irony is, I was not dreaming of you as a woman per se, just your music. Until the other night when I dreamed we were kissing and I woke up sleeping naked in your arms. Really? What the hell, it is like being tortured to dream of someone you can never be with. Much less the odds of us seeing each other ever again are slim to none but my soul is dreaming of you without my minds consent..lol..so ridiculous. No worries, it is New Years Eve and I am vowing to get over it and go no contact starting today.
Although you posting pics in a bikini is not helping me. And it has only been in the last few days that I have been dreaming of music not yours…then your voices slips in like a thief in the night to play with my heart but as a song that goes nowhere. Kind of like I would slip into your lingerie and sheets if I had the invitation and opportunity but I am actually friendly and shy. The second engagement I called off had me making an emergency evacuation plan at the Brooklyn Domestic Violence center, so love has not always been kind and I avoid getting close to anyone since. Plus, missing a penis means I am definitely not your type but I would settle for a cuddle and a movie. If this finds you, yes I think you’re hot and my realist self, says our lives are too far apart and being a groupie is not really my thing. I just hope if anything, during the pandemic, you genuinely feel appreciated for being you because that was the original goal. Every emotion and dream after, took me by surprise. I hope you know anyone who is a part of your life is lucky to love and be loved by you gorgeous woman. Take care. Your favorite Texan. π
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