theres this girl. im very close to her, id call her my best friend at this point. we talk all the time, play games together and when we play we talk on a phone call and its almost always 2+ hours, most of the time its 3-4. we also work together. now we only got close more recently, after she was about to be coming back from being out of state for a few months. we started a convo one day and it just turned into not really stopping and talking more and more outside of work and getting closer. now the only real problem with that is i have a hard time deciphering my feelings, so while shes my best friend sometimes i question if i feel more than that for her. and ive gone back and forth many many times about the situation. because while i dont actively feel like i have feelings for her some of my actions say otherwise and i catch myself thinking or feeling things i generally wouldnt for just a friend. like sometimes i smile when she texts me or i find myself checking if shes seen my messages. and i dont feel like i could see myself in an actual relationship with her (which has never been a problem for me i can very easily see myself with someone when i have romantic feelings for them) but at the same time i find myself getting upset or just unhappy around the person i know she likes or someone i know likes her. its like, i dont want her but at the same time i dont want anyone else to have her. i feel bad for feeling this way but i havent said anything to her or let it affect the friendship at all ive just been trying to figure out my feelings fully just in my own little bubble. i know i love her and im like 85% sure its platonic but at the same time the way i act around her is confusing myself. maybe its just cause ive never really had a female best friend like her. idk, but im glad to have gotten it off my chest
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