Am I selfish if i’m thinking about to leave my family?. I’m so exhausted to understand everything, my father changed a lot. He’s no longer staying with us everytime he have his day off. As the time goes by I’m becoming distant from him. My siblings longing for his care and time but he always end up together with his friends and cousins.One time I’ve talked to him about this matter, but he seems not to understand nothing has change. We don’t have our mother, today it feels like our father has also not with us. He feed us, provided home to live and bring us to school, but he can’t provide time for us.
I’m tired. I can’t focus on my study, my mind is so messy. Everyday, all i want is to sleep and my body is so tired. I always escape my classes and late to do my assignments. He never ask about my studies, if how was my day in school or if I still can. I hate myself too much for being like this. I can’t do anything to change my situation. I’ve tried so many times to change my life, to be a better person but i always failed. I’m trapped to where I am right now. I want to leave, and go to a place where in no one knows me. I want to live all by myself. My father changed a lot, my siblings disrespect me and leave everything to me. they all think about themselves. I do everything, that’s why i couldn’t even focus on my studies. I’m suffering in depression, no one knows it. they don’t know how i tried not to hurt myself.
I’m no longer the person i used to be. Ever since my mother died, my life turned into a mess. everything around me had changed, even myself. i hate myself and those people around me. In my twenty years of existence in this world, I’ve proved that some people are only good at words but not in actions. It is proven and tested to my father and those people i know.
How i wish, i didn’t exist. My whole life is just suffering and pain. I no longer feel genuine happiness and smile. To live is to die, and to die is to live.
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