felt the love

i used to love my job. it was everything i’d ever dreamed of and more even for how basic and entry level and bad it should’ve been. it was perfect. good people, i was good at it, i had fun. it didn’t feel like work i loved showing up and doing absolutely everything possible in the time i was there. being as helpful as possible and anything anyone asked of me i didn’t question. and over time i just tired myself out i guess. and now i dread it. i know i’m gonna come home wishing i had just stayed home sleeping instead because at least then i’d have some energy and i wouldn’t feel numb emotionally. but that’s what i get for not taking a break at all. but this week, tuesday, i went in and i wasn’t expecting it to be a great day i never am anymore. but it was. it was fantastic. i was so productive i did everything i possibly could for the people. jumped positions constantly if i felt i could help them. and i did. i talked to the lead and said hey i think i’d be best right there right now and he let me. and at the end i didn’t wanna go home. i wanted to stay and keep helping. and that felt so so so nice to experience again and i want that to be how i feel every day again and i don’t know what to do to get it back. i miss loving my job