I don’t want to die a virgin an unmarried

I’m single, 31 and without any prospects. My friends are women and a gay man. I come across as a bitch, I know it and regret it, but by the time it happens its done. I resent my married friends and feel deep jealousy of married women to great men. Don’t catch me saying great men, but it’s true. Some men are truly great catches, strong, authoritative but not assholes, women ‘take’ their arm, ‘take’ their name, ‘have’ their children. I wish I was strong enough to do that. I fear for myself, I do not want to grow old alone. I wish I had the guts to submit to a man and be his wife and woman. I wish a man came along who swept me away and I lost my virginity to him. The men I talk to are either gay men for some reason and men who need someone to help them with their feelings of inadequacy and mental anguish. When I real man comes my way I clam up and come across as a bitch and ice cold. I’ve been to therapy, but it doesn’t help.