Intimacy with Loneliness

I’m married and also in a committed long distance relationship. Both men are different and therefore my relationship with each is different. It could be the complicated challenges of an LDR (time zones and schedules are a PITA), but I still experience loneliness. Neither of my guys know that I’ve become so desperate for relief from it and for intimacy that I seek out boyfriend/husband/romantic asmr. I’ve discovered I am picky about the voices or scenarios I can listen to all the way through. But I need the comfort, the pillow talk, the stress relief, and the reassurance. Things that neither partner offers me or offers me with the consistency I crave. I feel guilty about this and that only brings me stress. I’m blessed to be loved by both these amazing men…and wish I didn’t still feel lonely. There are some asmr vids from content creators that are so on point for what I need to hear, to have, to calm and to reassure my insecure part….that I almost feel like I’m “cheating” on the men I love with….a voice. And maybe their script? Idk. Just wanted to get this off my chest. Thanks.

What do you think?

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Dear M

My mind feels like a swirly thundercloud