CAREFUL: Mentions of SA,
The title is the best way I could describe what I have been feeling like. I feel like my problems are all over the place and I don’t know where I am. I feel like I keep thinking about things in the past and stuff from the future to avoid stuff going on right now. I’m 16 I feel like I’m too young to be thinking like this, I keep telling myself I have everything I need and want because I feel so guilty for even thinking like this. My dad called me over the weekend and it ruined my whole week. I sometimes wished that I could cut all contact with my dad, he has a family of his own and tries to maintain contact with me but I don’t think I want the same. from the outside looking in it sounds terrible but he has never been a good dad, not to me at least. When I was around 3-4 yrs old my dad was in another country and it was my mom me and my dad’s brother. My mom left outside for something for not even a minute and he locked the door with me inside, my mom panicked and tried desperately to get inside but she couldn’t not until he opened the door himself. When he did she saw I was asleep or on a secondhand high since he was smoking. She got so scared he did something to me so she took me to get checked I vaguely remember laying there having to get checked. I was okay. When my dad came back she told him all bout it and he accused me a 4 yr old girl of seducing his brother. He called me a slut. I was 4. I was only 4. I wish I had a dad who saw me as his daughter and nothing else, loving me unconditionally but I think that’s just too much to ask. This is only one of the many reasons I want to cut him off.
*Name is not required.