If I Don’t Get This Job I May Just Myself In

My life is a mess. I had a nice enough job with good hours and friends that I worked with. Everything seemed to be going along well enough, my friends at work seed to like me and I them. But then it all went tragically wrong. Over the course of a month or two, a girl I worked with changed our friendship and I reacted badly to it; some say she used me but I’m not sure. But the sudden turn ultimately cost me to get written up and then I did something else even more stupid and lost my job. My so called friends at work, well they can’t even bother with me now.

So I started looking and found a new job. According to the job description I’d be doing a bunch of stuff, but upon starting i was told they had just reused an old job description and half the stuff listed I wouldn’t be doing. I had intentionally been looking for a manager job and took this specific job based on the description, and now I’m some pee-on line level employee on the front desk. I hadn’t paid them much heed when they sent me email because of them being lower tier hotels (I work in hospitality) but I could’ve been a manager at the likes of a La Quinta, Comfort Inn, Drury Inn or a Holiday Inn. Instead I’m a desk clerk at this particular hotel and hoping it gets better…

Well I’m up for an FOM/AGM at a modest size full service hotel. On a whim I put in for it while on my break. Got an immediate call back and a request for an interview by the GM. Had the interview and I think it went well. I’ve got the years to show longevity, this isn’t my first hotel, alsoy resume is heavy with this particular brand. It’s an old hotel, in a depressed area of the city. But it’s nice on the inside and the GM says it’s slated for a hard renovation inside and out in ’24 and development is coming to the area.

If I can get this job it’ll restore me. Give me something to be proud of again. It’ll make me an FOM which I was until I had to step down in preparation to care for an elderly parent (who as it turned out didn’t come live with me anyway but was why I had stepped down). It’ll immediately promote me to being an AGM, move my career forward. And it’ll also boost me in pay by $25K. I can imagine the hard work, I’m not afraid of the hard work. Being restored and promoted and paid $25K over what I was making would make me feel valued while doing that hard work.

But if I don’t get it I might just end myself. I mean why bother? The girl I had a falling out with ultimately resulting in the loss of my job is already moving onwards and upwards. She’s gonna be a GM or something, after having told me she had been offered it previously and turned it down. I’d be curious to know what the difference was between them and now but she’s not speaking to me.

If I were to get this job then I could march in to where I used to work, say hello and thank everyone for their time. That the hell I went through would’ve been worth it because of what I would then have. But if I don’t get this job then why bother with life? I’ll just no longer feel like the pathetic loser I somehow became in less than two months.

I should find out in mid June…

What do you think?

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I think her words changed me

Bad things happen in the rain