I’ve had an amazing life. Supporting parents who always helped me through everything. A close friend circle who mostly had me feeling loved and happy. And no relationships. It makes me feel so abd, like a loser, like a freak who is too ugly to find someone to like me. So I did what I thought would help me out. I went on a social media platform and joined nsfw servers. At first I didn’t think of it that much. I wrote erotic roleplay ads and the responces I got made me feel happy. I started sexting. Guys were telling me how good I looked, how fun I was, how much they want to meet up and commit into something and it made me feel actually complete for once. Until I started fucking up. One after another, I lost contact with almost all of them. They stopped messaging and I got glued. I waited hours and hours for a message, just to get nothing. I ran at every notification I got hopping it was them. And it feels like it was one of the strings that were holding me up. One particular roleplay, I;ve grown to wait my entire day to read their message, and now, it’s gone too. The worst thing is, I dont appreciate anything. There are still people who talk to me and make me feel that way yet I just don’t feel like it’s enough until I have it all. It’s disgusting, I know.I’ve been having mental breakdowns one after the other, finding excuses to cry again and again and again. I hate myself. I sometimes think I want to whipe out of the earth but I feel bad for all the people I’ll leave behind because I don’t deserve them and spilling even a single tear for me would be unworthy. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel lost, lonely and alone and I don’t feel safe enough to tell anyone. I’m sorry you’re here and you’re reading this. You’re waisting your time on a lost cause. I hope anyone that’s here has the best opportunities in life and I really wish you the best. I’m sorry.
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