Haven’t spoken to my mother in a few years now. The last few times she emailed me it was abusive, and I was sick for days after. The things she said to me would shock most average people. Well, I got another email from her recently. On her “death bed” and trying to get me to forgive her. Yet the message was riddled with “I’m sorry but….I was suicidal and angry, and you left me”…bitch…I’m your CHILD. That is above my paygrade at any age. Get fucking therapy and maybe I’ll think about it. Does she? Nope…went straight back to “religion”…which is when she was the most abusive to me because now it was physical AND mental AND emotional. It pisses me off because people say, “That’s your mother” and “She’s learning how to be a human too”. Well, “that’s her CHILD” and I’m learning how to be human too, but I don’t treat people like that. (well, I did at first because that’s what I learned, but once I moved out at 16, I started to change for the better) She is all about “unconditional love” but that doesn’t exist to me. I thought about messaging her back so many times telling her why I finally cut her off, but I don’t want to open a dialogue with someone who won’t hear what I’m saying but only holding her breath to scream at me about how it’s my fault. The funny thing is, it wasn’t even that she was abusing me, it’s because she was getting in between me and my brother and treating him nicer. He called her out on it and told her to apologize to me. She didn’t. Not until she was facing death. Sorry…you don’t get closure. And guess what…she lived through it. Had I given in, I would be right back at square one. I’m -so glad- I didn’t. Hoping this will give someone the strength to keep moving forward!
Forgiveness isn’t for them, it’s for you. You have a chance to heal yourself, avail yourself.
You are best cutting her off completely for the sake of your health.