trapped in my relationship

I’m not sure exactly when this started but my partner has been pissing me off at least once a week for the past 2-3 months.
I hate that they always have to drink when we go out, even on weekdays. I hate that they consume more calories from alcohol than food. I hate that they have no sense of time. I hate that their major running joke is to pretend to be an obnoxiously patriotic American, with all the sub-jokes that come with it, like being a colonizer and loving guns. They’ve never even held a gun in their life. I hate that they double down on the American bit when I remind them that it’s not funny to me. I hate the car crash and food wasting tiktoks they send me. I hate that they bug me to call at night when they know I’ve had a long day and then they just talk about the stupid tiktoks they watch. I hate that in the past 3 weeks they have asked about my day only 3 times. I hate that they never take their lactaid pills when they eat cheese, dismiss me when I remind them to take the lactaid, and then suffer as expected. And on and on and on.

I’m not gonna break up with them though. Despite all my complaints, they’re actually a nice person. And smart when they drop the dumb American persona. They’re conventionally attractive (despite the growing beer belly), which gets me status with my peers. They make a shit ton of money, enough for both of us to be comfortable without me having to work again. They foot the bill for everything I want without flinching. Every expensive restaurant, every luxury skincare item, every VIP concert ticket. Most importantly, they worship the ground I walk on. I like having someone I can kick around a little bit.
All I want is to be a trophy spouse. I tried the sugar baby route and couldn’t do it. I don’t have it in me to fake being interested in old geezers. So I’d much rather be the spoiled partner of a hot rich professional that’s my age. They are my golden ticket out of the lower-middle class struggle I grew up in.

But my god I cannot stand this mf. It used to be sometimes, now it’s most of the time. I’m worried it’s going to become all the time soon. I don’t think I can fake an entire relationship. I’m already struggling with sex; they piss me off so much and so often that I’m just not turned on anymore, even when I’m in a relatively good mood. (The beer belly does not help matters.)

But I don’t want to dump them because I still remember the horrors of being single. I don’t want to go back to trudging through dating apps and going out with losers who can’t afford me. I went through so much crap to find this one, I’m not willing to give them up. Even though about half the time I’m wishing our dates were over so I can go home and have some peace and quiet.