I’m losing my mind and going seemingly insane and scaring people from my past. While in a way it feels good finally scaring the people that made my life a living hell years ago, as I seemingly now have the power, it’s disturbing. It’s simply not me. I
It all happened when I blacked out which I do often since two years ago. Flashbacks but now worse than ever. It’s horrifying and new to me when not a manic episode. This is much worse and I’m helpless. I haven’t slept and ate in 4 days and am now having nightmares because if this trauma that how strangely went back like a boomerang to the people that helped form this hell.
I know I clearly did it when shown the evidence and felt nauseous but I honestly have no recollection of it and now these people who are of middle age are going on Facebook creating false narratives about me. They did years ago to which is crazy but I’m labeled that now and not on Facebook because the place is for kids and created narcissists.
I did not do mine on purpose as that’s not who I am but they always made stuff up because it’s how they were. Notice I said were. We never really knew each other because this happened when teens in high school and years before.
I’m very unpredictable, random, impulsive and compulsive but even what I did is beyond me and highly abnormal. I feel like crap and am all alone. Nobody will tell me the full scope of all I did because I believe they see me as a threat. I’m not. I just want to talk.
I realize I scared them but feel I may be jumped even though these people have always been cowards. I’m not but I’m hearing abnormal reactions to whet I did. so I feel I deserve it butI’m automatically labeled a crazy psycho.
Why create the false narrative? In my opinion it’s so they can deal and rationalize what I did and label me crazy to escape all the bs hell they out me through years ago.every day for almost a decade. Cowards. They did the same thing of a dead classmate who committed suicide when we were teens too creating fake stories of a fellow geek. It’s like Heathers anyone? Makes me sick, so at times I do not feel as bad. I do though even though it was just weird.
One confronted me finally so I know what exactly happened. I actually do not and believe they know more than me. He was stunned. It was the truth though he didn’t believe me. I don’t either but it was. I’d like to talk to them in person and air this out to explain why it occurred being I never meant them any harm all these decades later. It’s driving me nuts and I’m likely to just say f*ck it and call it a day.
Others are seeing them dish it out and speculate bizarrely on Facebook like we’re teens again. I’m not there to defend myself. I guess naturally it’s all my fault for rattling these cowards but hey they’re talking about is as strange as what I did,
I have PTSD and this is out of my control, I hadn’t thought about these people in decades. I hate attention unless it’s good big k blackout sometimes, if they’d just hear me out it would be wrapped up. Pure hell and a Scarlett letter now. No idea what to do but endure the bs all over again.
These people always seemingly win no matter what occurs. Some of us aren’t meant to live but we’re here messing up when not even seemingly awake while others go overboard and create more junk. I wish one would grow a pair and talk to me like an adult.
They won’t even bother because they were scared then when bullying me and are horrified now. I saw it with the one who sought me outs eyes. Fear.
I get why, but it wasn’t intentional He acted all tough to save face but he forgets I’ve known him since we were 5. He. I found out from two trustworthy sources the other day that he is still unreliable and a liar so I believe he was fishing for info because the rest have always been p*ssies.
I’m willing to talk in person but I talk now and am not shy, so I guess they’re now afraid. They needn’t be but I know they feel guilty years ago. They’ll never admit it. I still don’t even know what exactly I did being I blacked out from an episode. Truth but I guess too weird for them. Life sucks sometimes.
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