I’m a tall, masculine neurodivergent trans ftm, which makes me a target for bullying at my school. I’ve been bullied since 6th grade. It’s never been anything physical so it’s nothing I can really report. In the beginning people were more direct so they were reportable, I probably reported people a total of 10 times in just the 6th grade and the most that happened was they got pulled into the office, told to stop, and released. It never did anything. But nowadays people are getting much more passive but it still pisses me off so, so fucking much. People will do things like get my attention by saying “Hey (name), can I ask you a question?” I respond with “What?” Then they just look away and don’t say anything. They think they’re so fucking funny. They’ll also say stuff like “Nice outfit!” obviously to mock me, since I always wear my dad’s shirts, sweatpants, and an old jacket. One time one of those little fuckers asked me “Can I eat you??” Any time I’m on my phone, even if everyone else is and the teacher doesn’t care, they’ll shout really loud “ARE YOU ON YOUR PHONE???????” They also mock me and call me a lesbian. They reccomend me wlw songs solely because they think I’m a lesbian. I’ve been compared to hitler for sitting in my seat at lunch, had rumors spread about how I eat lunch in the bathroom (i sat in there and didn’t eat lunch because I have nobody willing to sit next to me), and been called slurs. They’re sooooo fucking funny, aren’t they?
Anyways, I have intrusive thoughts about assaulting them. My dad got me and my sister this axe throwing game thing a few years back, and I dug that up and imagined myself throwing those fake axes and ninja stars at their fucking heads. I want someone to do something physical just so I have an excuse to beat the shit out of somebody, anybody.
Aww crap, I feel bad for you. People, especially immature youngsters (anybody under 30) can be so cruel, and they are. I’m proud of you that you’re not hiding in the closet like I have my whole life though. Wear your colors and keep your head up. Anybody that goes around picking on other people because they are “different” has poor upbringing and lacks intelligence. You are better than anyone that assaults you.
If imagining bludgeoning them helps your mental state, I don’t see any harm in that. I’ve often had the same imaginings about my enemies. But, just keep it to that. The minute you show up with an axe you’ll be cast as the bad person who went crazy, not the victim who finally reached their snapping point.
I wish you were here right now, I would love to give you a hug. Be safe, be well, be happy.
Welcome to the FBI watchlist.