I need to get this bleached from my mind: a mentor confessed he had sexual feelings for me during a phone call. I had an intuition that it was going to be some sort of confession because he asked if he could be honest with me but god, I wish I said no. Nothing happened but he did ask me some personal things about my sex life that I wish I weren’t candid about (curse my honesty and need to overshare) and instead should’ve told him it wasn’t his business. I didn’t need to know about his sex life but instead I listened and advised him as if he were one of my friends, probably because one of them was facing similar issues in his own relationship and often confided in me about them and what he does to take care of them. And of course I shot down the idea of even getting into a relationship because for fucks sake, he’s already married and also the power imbalance ??? I don’t care if there are people who are in large age gap relationships and that’s their business, I considered him as just a mentor and even a grandfather figure (I’m also the same age as one of his daughters) then he says this to me. I had a weird gut feeling from the start and I should’ve acknowledged it and now this happens. I am throwing this out in the sea of nothing and hope to never think about it ever again. I feel relieved but also sick at the same time that I was viewed like this. I feel regretful that I was emotionally vulnerable and cried for various reasons in front of him because I never thought he would think of me like anything but a former student.
I feel a little violated to be honest and I want to tell my friends but that’s already too much to unpack and figuratively screaming into a jar by typing this is already making me feel better. At least the weird energy that I felt prior to the confession is gone because he finally said what was on his mind and it was bound to happen eventually. I’ll just move forward and release this from my mind with the hope it doesn’t come back and it doesn’t get brought up again.
Now my day is even more ruined in a way because it started with me asking for career advice and then it’s the weight of this knowledge. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t perceived and that I would only be appealing to those I personally want to get to know better. Fucking hell.
First of all I want to say to you that you are not responsible for the other persons feelings. You are a very level headed person. I know you will move beyond this soon. It is so sad to learn this life lesson. Your mentor has broken your trust. Your relationship will never be that same because of this. It’s okay to grieve the loss of the relationship. You are right to have decided to move on. I am proud of your maturity. More importantly I am proud of you.