I know, I’m here again. I thought I’d only talk about this here like once, but the thoughts of him still linger. The envy of his stupid boyfriend is getting worse. I was talking to another friend about it and he made a joke about breaking them up, and as wrong as it is it tempted me.
It’s wrong, I know it is, in every way it’s wrong. His relationship isn’t even my business, and frankly I wish I didn’t care this much, And yet I still sit here, as greedy as I am, grinning from ear to ear at the fact that he wanted me to match icons as the gayest characters imaginable, and not his boyfriend.
I genuinely can’t tell what I’d even want from him. I’ve never really considered it in seriousness, how that would even work. It’s not necessarily a priority for me, and tends to rub away the color from my rose tinted glasses when I consider sleeping with him. It just doesn’t seem like something either of us would even want.
Besides, he’s attracted to men. I hardly pass as one. I still don’t believe him whenever he says he “forgets” I have breasts. I look like a girl, I know I do, I don’t understand why he says stuff like that. It’s probably supposed to be flattering but I don’t believe it.
Regardless of how that would even work, I doubt I’m ever going to be able to see him in the way I want, to have him look at me and hold my face in his hands. I need to get over him. Last time that didn’t work, so maybe I just need to stop talking to him period. I don’t know.
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