FYI: I’m Not Your Enemy

I never had the chance to tell you in person that I would have a reoccurring dream about you for years; we started out in the 20’s and were getting married, as we walked through the door ways of life together, it would become another dimension of time and our outfits and gender roles would also change. We morphed into two gay male lovers in the 60’s with polyester suits and big moustaches, and through another doorway with white columns into the eighties with big hair and outfits that looked like we walked out of Michael Jackson’s Thriller video. Then it would always end up the same; us curled up in a King size bed together with white sheets and fluffy white pillows, watching a movie while eating Chinese food take out…and then we would make out due to a shared noodle kiss like lady in the tramp. And then the rain would begin to fall, with you all over me and visa versa. This reoccurring dream went on for years after we met and I never said a word about it. Mainly because I new that I was not your brand ideal or type after reading about you being grossed out after discovering your ex was part black. I’m brown so not much difference, so I thought it was best to keep the dream to myself which I think was just a past life overview of our unions. I can also feel it when (on the few occasions) you are near me; it’s instinctual, like I just want to hold you, love on you, and protect you. In this lifetime we would have been a lesbian couple..lol..but you married someone else. The funny but strange dynamic is those past life emotions include being pisses off at you for not choosing us, me or this lifetime together. It’s not to be mistaken with jealousy, because I could care less about your cute Pee Wee Hermann look a like nerdy partner. It’s just the fact you did not choose us, with our dreamy history and shared lives together. It’s silly, I know but it’s true. You chose another life partner and a different journey, which stings a little in the strangest way. There is some cosmic ethereal residue that misses you and it’s hard to explain. I know we were quiet the team for many centuries but I think you are oblivious. Also very image focused so when I did not fit your modelesque ideal, you threw this baby out with the bath water..lol.. It is just ironic, that I was there in the same venue with you celebrating life in Los Angeles as the pandemic began to break out in Wuhan, al week before you would reconnect with him. In this lifetime I guess we weren’t meant to be and my past life subconscious interfering with this life, just needs to get over it. Which in essence means you set me free in this lifetime to flirt with, chase and shag another hot blonde besides yourself. Don’t be jealous now. 😉 I think I have had to process all the past & present motions of it at once. And I like to write, not my fault you cyber stalk my posts nosey rosey. I just want you to know blue eyes that I’m not your enemy, my musings are my therapy, even if you make assumptions about what I write, it’s not always about you or directed towards you. Except this one, I hope somewhere in that superficial heart of yours you know how deeply I have loved you for lifetimes, and even if the tides of longing grasp hold of my heart in the absence of what we were or could possibly ever or never be; I love you, I love you, I love you enough to set you free to experience a joyful, amazing life, even if it is not with me. My disabilities would not made life so simple for us and I hope you understand why I walked away from being haunted by a past I could not hold onto. We, our connection in real life has always been somewhat surreal, touch and go, the impossible made real, even across great distance. We were the lucky ones to find each other across all space and time, no matter how it ended up in this life. Old me gets a little jealous that he gets to travel with you, when it should be me making love to you in every foreign country. Current me is chill about it. Old me is: Hey dude, gets your f- hands off my timeless wife! I digress to feeling like the old boyfriend of the Blake Lively character in The Age Of Adeline when he discovers she is sexing his son kind of feels about you. None of it makes any practical sense to this writing realist. My point is, I wish you and Buster Poindexter (who better be good to you / treat you right or I will travel through time to kick his ass. 😉 (Okay j/k, not really.) I do wish you both a great life together and I love you enough to wish you the best in life, even if it is not with me. Although my company is out of this world. Venting, makes me feel better. You are amazing, and I am so proud of you, you have come such a long way since the flapper days of the 20’s mi amor. No matter where you roam on this earth my love and prayers go with you to protect and shield you since we may never see each other again. So much can be healed through open face to face conversations, and glasses of wine beyond our dreams. I hope you can forgive me for being honest one day. Sending you timeless love in sunshine, or orchids covered in the rain of our tears. 🦋 Angel Tunes: Close To You/Alone Together by Selena Gomez | No Ordinary Love by Sade | Yellow by Coldplay