I know there’s something wrong with me. When I was younger I just thought I was shy and quiet and had a crazy dad who sometimes took it out on me. It sure as hell left its mark. I was also bullied all those years ago by the usual types that did it for about a decade straight. Also, it left its mark.
I didn’t start noticing how different I was until I was 17 when I finally stood up to my dad and literally somehow threw him down a flight of stairs. Crazily it’s what the nut wanted. If only I could’ve done that at school. I couldn’t and just couldn’t talk.
More violence and psychological torture. Nothing new for kids that fit that mold aka Columbine anyone? This was year before that. Not for me but we all think about it, just not one’s cup of tea. Lord knows they deserved pain though. That would come years later though often as a dark hooded shadow.
I know I’m damaged and people that are misunderstood whether we plan it or not, seek out others that get us or we can relate to. I attract sociopaths and narcissists. The former used to intrigue me while I often didn’t care as I knew I attracted them for a reason. I used to think I was just lucky and desperate, though these girls were beautiful. They often are.
I got sick of it. I went the more mature route or tried to realizing if you aren’t a bore with money and status, it’s pointless unless you’re “one of them.” Normal boring society. I do envy them though but honestly I’d rather have a personality and remain a mystery.
Now, all these years later with various addictions which at one point in time was sex, I want the one I cannot have. She’s a blonde, self-involved, often confusing girl that’s extremely bitter and entitled, Great another one, you nut bag. Divorced single mom with blonde hair and a smile when it actually comes out that could make anyone freeze.
Were not young anymore but I knew her when we were younger though not personally. We attempted to be friends being we seemed to be in a similar place in our lives but she was manipulative to a fault, I knew this yet didn’t care as I used to be when younger for kicks.
I gave her drugs they cut her off of having never given anything away of this nature ever. Why did I help this often greedy b**tch? I liked her. Course, she was more normal earlier but I knew. I always know.
I hated this yet kept saying don’t bother buy it was to attempt a friendship as was all it was ever intended to be on both sides. Not her. She would act friendly but only if she got something later. I always knew yet liked being around her so I let it go. She wasn’t aleqyd bad but a great actor as they often are. I dumbed it down on my end as she’s an emotional train wreck despite also being calculating. She always was and will be. I knew this too.
Long story short, I lost it on her when in a highly compulsive mood triggered by her constant contradictory actions, I knew what she was but also let her do it anyway hoping she’d finally give me that promise she owed me. You masochist. You knew what she was and now she’s attempting to fool others by having two fundraisers for her dog (he actually is sick) and is seemingly greedier and more entitled than last year.
Same wording she gave me when I actually read the post online, same I never do this line which she’s likely been doing her whole life and getting because she’s attractive and hides in plain sight. No personality unless it behooves her or she’s bored and high. A shame because I believe she’s not always this self involved, greedy and controlling, the latter is her to a tee as is her bitterness in life and towards men,
She thought she was better than me which I sensed as I often do yet insanely helped her because I honestly thought she might have a nervous breakdown with how she was acting: notice I said acting. You can have kids, seem normal and naturally be a sociopath. Was she one? Hard to say but she checks a lot of boxes.
I consider her a narcissist as most attractive blondes are. I don’t even like blondes yet I adore her. Why? So many answers yet I’m sure you’ve come to the conclusion as to exactly why. It’s always been there deep in the shadows where guys like me live.
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