I love her, I really do, but I love him more. I’ve been in love with him since we were younger, and its mutual. He loves me just as much if not more actually. My parents tore us a part for a silly mistake between us that they disapproved of. Our entire public relationship went down the drain. We’d been together for 5 whole years and we grew with each other and built ourselves up. We’d become better people and truly wanted to get married and have kids, the whole 9 yards. I loved him but was forbade from talking to him all in an instant. I was hurt and genuinely depressed. I had fallen down so hard I never wanted to see the world again. Then I met her, she was the sunshine into my current darkness. She doesn’t know it but she really took me out of my depression. she made me feel happy again, and for once I wanted to live. She reminded me of him, not exactly but close enough. The comfort, the warmth, even the subtly in her personality it all reminded me of HIM. A year or so into our friendship I found out she’d fallen for me, the guilt ate me up. I couldn’t date someone else, I still was deeply in love with him, and not only that but I was in no way interested in women. I was strongly against dating another female, but I had become desperate. I passed off the guilt I’d felt as just as being stuck on him and that maybe if I experienced love with someone else id be able to get over him and move on. Well news flash, it only worked as a distraction He’d messaged me and all the feelings came rushing back, I was on the verge of tears instantly. Id messaged back but kept a almost tsundere personality lol, acting passive aggressive and as if I had better things to do then talk to him. I admit it was wrong of me…especially when I could see it hurt him so much. But its been a year now and i can no longer keep this up. We’ve talked and ive dropped the walls and fake personality, I love him and he truly still loves me. I can’t bare to be without him any longer and even more I dont think I can keep up this false relationship. Ive been authentic and true with her this entire time, I really did love her for who she was for this past year, but knowing that my heart truly lies with him…I cant keep dating her when I know my end goal honestly would never be with her. Its wrong and I feel so much guilt but I appreciate her for all shes done to help me. I don’t even know if my parents will ever come to accept my relationship with him, to come to realize that he truly does love me, but I know that to start I will need to break things off…I just dont know how. I know it will be hard either way but it hurts me in its own way. I dont want to hurt her with this truth. It really pains me, especally since her family has been so welcoming to me and we’re so close now. Sometimes I just kinda wish we never happened, but then I know I would never be where I am now today and if anythign Id be much worse off. If only she’d miracously break things off with me first…
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