Hi my name is Emily,
I’m not sure how bizarre this may sound? I work as an assistant in nursing at a aged care village here near where I live. I generally do a lot of cleaning up different elderly patients, whether at meal times, or helping during morning or bedtimes. The patients are all very sweet most of the time. Most of the patients comment positively towards me. It’s a bit hard sometimes, it can also be very sad. There are quite a few patients that are under palliative care.
I’ve been looking after a gentleman named Howard, he’s 93 years old, grey haired man, very into reading.. I sit with him often, he reads to me, which I think is really sweet. In general he’s a very sweet man. He doesn’t have visitors or friends. He does have some of the other people that’ll have a conversation with, at chapel or during trivia.
I speak with him a lot, I since day one have called him cutie, he calls me Vix. More than any other patient I’ve found myself treating Howard as a friend and I’ve genuinely loved our time together. I do feel his sadness when we talk about him feeling lonely, he talks about his wife, who is no longer alive. He talks about his kids, who live in other states.. I’ve found it harder to work with him because I feel so sad that he has no one to feel loved from. Yesterday, I sat with him to read and spend some times with. I asked him if he ever thought about sex? Was that something people think abo. Iut at his age? He said all the time and I asked about the other patients or staff? He turned a shade of red and said he thought about me… I didn’t really know what to say, but I said how flattered I was. He asked me a bunch of questions about my seeing any guys? I sort of stupidly said he was the only man I cared about…
I say stupid because I let my guard down and put my hand on his chest. I asked him if I did something for him would he keep it between us? I said do you want to go chapel? On a Monday there’ll be no one there. We sat together at one point I asked did he feel like he wished he could have sex with me? He said yes, that that would be his one wish more than anything..
I really am torn because I would lose my job if anyone found out, but he the sweetest, gentlest, affectionet man I think I’ve met. I’m not sure anymore.. Advice is welcome. I’m 20 years old btw.
Tough one. The human need for physical contact never truly goes away. People say sex isn’t everything but it’s super important. And we have to remember that one day, if blessed or cursed… however one may view it… we’ll all be in that position of being elder and hoping we are still living our lives fruitfully and happily.
You’ve bonded with this person. There’s attraction among the two of you. You won’t be the first, won’t be the last to fulfill a wish/desire of an elderly. If that attraction is there, go for it. The only thing you really have to think about is his feelings afterwards. Will he get attached? Will he have a jealous streak? We want to do things like this with no repercussions. And while there are many who do, there are many that will get caught. You may lose your job at that place, but is this something that you want to do the rest of your life? Will this really follow you from place to place?
It’s complicated, I know. But me personally, I’ve always been about the now. This gentleman definitely has the hopes in his head to experience sex again, let alone a 20 year old, as he calls you “box”….he’s absolutely wishing that the experience is coming from you…to have that “damn, still got it!!” feeling. Why not give it to that man? Give him something to live for that he thought was gone?
Just be super cautious.
Maybe give him some extra affection a little at a time and see how it progresses?
I definitely believe sexual care is very beneficial if both parties consent. So it’s not a moral issue, just a pragmatic one of being very careful to not put your job in jeopardy.
His days are numbered. Give that man something to remember