I decided to have a one night stand since I wanted to have sex so much with my long distance gf who refused to come over and wanted to break up with me becuase she felt like I was being “selfish” by not heading over to pick her up from her female-only flat that doesn’t allow guys to enter the building the town over when she “felt too unwell” to travel alone even though I make the effort to pay for all the food, arrange all the dates we go on, manage the living expenses whenever she’s staying over at my place since we started dating, and can’t drive proficiently yet.
I confess; Ever since I started dating her I felt like I was the one who had to put in all the effort, and that she was essentially financially leeching off of me to some extent because she never even bothered to ask to split the bill without having me step in to remind her. One day I accidentally overslept after doing an all-nighter when she was supposed to come pick something that she forgot at my place which resulted in her berating me for “not being mindful of the time” since she was waiting with the aunt who drove her here on the way to her flat. I tried my best to improve on this by arriving an hour earely to all our dates, even though I never mentioned it to her and had to bear with her being more than 1-2 hour late to our dates frequently – which made me feel like i was beign held to certain standards unfairly.
While I get her conservative family’s concerns about how I need to care for her safety when there is a chance that she could get kidnapped and assaulted on the public transport taxi in my country, I feel like she has always been overblowing the probability of this happening because of how frequently her family hounds her about it — isn’t it stupid to think that the world’s always out to get you? I would have gone to pick her up immediately if she had told me that she felt unsafe travelling alone; how the hell was I supposed to know what to do if her texts sounded like she was just trying to have me pick her up because she was too sore from going on a study trip with her classmates the day before?
Even though we made this sleepover date a week earlier, she still felt the need to complain to me that she should’ve listened to her friends and family about how terrible a bf I’ve been since we started dating for this minor disagreement about having to pick up / drop her off all the time when we have dates. I can’t live like I’m stepping on eggshells all the time when I also have to deal with an emotionally immature person who can’t manage the constraints of her frail constitution well enough daily and only listens to her parents and 2 super men-hating leftist friends from middle school. At the very least she could satisfy some of my own relationship needs as well, instead of making me the villain for not wanting to bend the knee and fulfill every single somewhat unreaosnable relationship expectations & standards that she has obtained from her echo chamber of close acquiantances & toxic family.
so when this entire breakup mess broke down, I decided that I’ll just do as she has said in the past and “go fulfill my needs somewhere else since [she] can’t fullfill it that frequently”. Sure it’s objectively selfish for me to go against even my own morals and boundaries when it comes to intimacy in dating, but at this point I was so tired of it all. Is it really my fault when I have a spine to live independently instead of having to rely on having people dictate what I should do to live? I still love her with all my heart but I have needs that I shouldn’t demand to have met as well.
Sure it makes me a coward and a disgrace that I don’t want to tell her about it because I don’t want to destroy our relationship; sure it makes me a hypocrite when I say to everyone that nobody should ever cheat on their partner or get cheated on; At the same time, I don’t think it;s entirely my fault at the end of the day because I’ve always made the effort to manage and compromise through all the hurdles life throws at this relationship. I think it should be okay for me to expect my partner to hold herself to the same standard without having to be told to do it be her partner.
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