Last night I had a dream about this serbian/romanian boy I know. Somewhere in the dream I got pregnant and I knew he was the father. I had a beautiful baby girl named Lilah. I told the boy that I understood if he didn’t want to be in her life because we weren’t together and she was unplanned. He insisted on staying. She was so smart and he was so loving. My grandpa woke me up around the time Lilah was 3 or 4 years old. I woke up looking for my baby girl before remembering that I don’t have one. I haven’t been able to eat all day and I’ve felt miserable. I keep thinking about my daughter. I can remember the pregnancy, the delivery, her in her cradle in the living room, braiding her long blonde hair. But none of it’s real. I just want my daughter back.
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