I’m a bad Muslim girl and I should be punished.

I’m a bad Muslim girl and I should be punished. My family moved to the US from Pakistan. When I was fourteen my Father caught me masturbating. He was very angry and disappointed in me. I’m ashamed for upsetting Father.

I had taken my panties completely off and was rubbing away when he unexpectedly entered my room. There was no hiding what I was doing. I was so embarrassed. Father took my clitoris and pinched it sharply between his fingers at the same time he drew nail clippers from his pocket. He shoved the clippers in my face and squeezed them closed as he threaten to cut off my clitoris if I ever abused it again. He said he would pull it up and cut it off. As the clippers clenched together, Father’s sharp nails bit into my already stimulated and engorged clitoris. I gasped from the pain and the trauma of seeing the clippers clench shut and at the same time I felt the cutting sensation of Father’s sharp nails on my swollen clitoris. I orgasmed. I shrieked and quivered from the intense orgasm and out of fear, – fear of losing my clitoris and fear of being punished for having an orgasm right in front of my Father. Thankfully Father didn’t realize that I had an orgasm and he must of thought I was afraid.

He lectured me on how he had allowed me to keep my clitoris contrary to the tradition of having it removed. He spanked me that night and every night for seven days while the family watched, including my sister and Brother. He also put a Menthol cream on my clitoris to punish me. I was so embarrassed and ashamed.

I deserved the punishment for upsetting my family and for disappointing my parents. I promised in front of everyone to be a good girl and I begged and begged for more punishment as I was truly remorseful. I begged for everyone’s forgiveness.

After that Father held surprise inspections to check my clitoris for signs of abuse. I was given random spankings to remind me to be a good girl. I didn’t touch myself for at least two years. I lived in terror that Father would decide to cut off my clitoris but I also thought that might be a good thing for him to do.

But then I relapsed and rubbed myself. I couldn’t stop thinking about what it would be like to be held down and have my clitoris forcibly removed. I thought about the sharp clippers and the pain when Father pinched by clitoris and the humiliating spankings in front of my Brother and with these thoughts I became more excited and orgasmed again. I knew I needed punishment but my discipline had stopped years ago.

I’m now eighteen and I’ve been rubbing myself regularly, always thinking about having my clit cut out while I’m helpless, held down and begging for mercy. I wish I could tell my Father that I need punished again but I’m afraid that he would take out my clitoris. I’m sure that my Brother would advocate for that.

Maybe that’s what he should have done with me back when I was fourteen and then I would be like other Muslim girls and not masturbate. He should have continued to spank me and inspect me. I should be punished now to stop me, but I’m afraid to say anything. I want to be a good Muslim girl and I don’t want to disappoint my family. I need to kept disciplined and be punished but I’m afraid Father will cut out my clitoris.