me being lonely is also my fault and i hate trying to deny it.

i keep bitching to myself about how i am so lonely when i don’t even bother getting to know people. i can’ t seem to give a shit about what they are or what they like, i just want them to fuck off or something and then i suddenly act like im this lonely beaten up little shit who got wronged by people. its an embarrassing contradiction of the self. god how am i going to get a boyfriend when i DONT EVEN BOTHER GETTING ONE. i am so whiny and insecure that i am in the process of accepting the fact that i will die alone. goddamit.