Sometimes, I wish I were S/A’d again. There’s something in me that has an ick of S/A and r@pe, but I can’t help but long for that. The way he traumatized me caused me to act this way. And now I feel truly disgusting, knowing that I get turned on by thinking about this again. I am a victim of COCSA and S/A inside of my school with another male trying to “seduce” me. I hate myself, and sometimes I wish I didn’t exist.
you’re not alone. a lot of SA victims develope this kink (CNC) as a method to cope with the trauma of what happened. get therapy and learn to love yourself. it wasnt your fault what happened and you deserve to find happiness 🙏🏻