Sexual energy is killing me

I am married for 6 years with a kid. My partner and I are doing well and have respect for each other. But I have a problem. My sexual appetite. I masturbate 4 to 5 times a day everyday for the last 20 years. I have self control and have never paid for sex. My only active partner has been my wife but our appetites dont match. We do it once or twice a month. I thought with time i will grow out of this. But it’s only getting worse. Because of covid she is away from me as am in another remote place for work. But I feel like I am losing it. The cravings are getting out of hand. Today I did it 8 times. Yesterday it was 10. I am being ruled by it. I am only thinking of it being alone and no social life it making it worse. Feel like to just drive to a whore somewhere and fuck her like crazy. But it will be a forever guilt. My bodies hunger and my morals are fighting everyday.yes morals are a bit weird. Like porn but to go to another woman and physically do it is wrong.. it’s weird. I am losing focus from everything else. I just feel like killing myself. I feel like calling my wife and say come please fuck me. But my self respect or may be ego or just may be morals think it’s bad idea. I am struggling. It’s bad. I never thought I will be in such a situation. I am just losing to sex. And fuck I enjoy it too. My mind is messed up. Just want to end. I feel like suicide because it feels like a sex is ruling me and my mind. I am to embarrassed to speak to a therapist. I dont know what to do.