Sibling Sex?

I had a crush on one of my brothers for as long as I can remember. A few months ago I went out with him and one of my sisters. We had fun. Smoked laughed, went for a walk. We went to a pub and I had alot to drink. I started dancing, I kept looking at my brother to try and urge him to come and dance too (I was literally the only one on the dance floor). Well, that was sexy and when my sister went to the toilet he called me over and whispered in my ear to stop it and that I know what I’m doing. The authority and tone of voice and how he looked at me, especially when he told me that I was sexy and that it made him hard. It made feel… like some kinda way- even now I’m near drooling thinking about it. We ended up holding hands secretly on the ride home, so my sister didn’t see. When we got back to his place we were flashing each other and making out any chance we got, when my sister wasn’t looking. When my sister and I were supposed to be leaving, I was barely awake after the drinking and staying up late. I just wanted to stay in bed. My brother said I could stay another night to relax before travelling home. I agreed and my sister left. I relaxed for a bit watching the tele, then my brother turns to me and gestures to the bedroom saying let’s do it while we can and gets up walking closer to the bedroom. I was so nervous and tortured by my mind about how negative this is in society. I’d to say “so we did it” after that but my brain wouldn’t let me at the time. As I am now, I so wish I had agreed, I want it so bad. In the coming weeks we masturbated on calls together everyday, and flirted relentlessly all the hours we were on call….He keeps getting hot and cold about it now…I want him and he wants me but he keeps backing out because it’s wrong. I don’t think it is, it happens in nature and human rules just aren’t natural. I want him to take care of me, sexually, romantically, mentally. I want to be with him all the time. I dream about abolishing the incest laws, living with him and making a family-no matter how they turned out. I can’t get him out of my head, I don’t know what to do.