When I was 26 I flirted at a party with a 17 year old and I hate myself for it. To give some context, the age of consent in my country was 14 at the time and I wasn’t the only older man hitting on her, so I didn’t think I was doing anything wrong at the time. I was also drunk and on drugs, recently out of a relationship. Thankfully she rejected my advances and I was respectful.
Years later, after recent scandals on the internet of famous people flirting or doing even worse things with minors I’ve started to think about what I did and I’m not sure I can forgive myself. I feel like if any of my friends knew about this, that they would never talk to me again. That if I ever told my partner about this she would feel disgusted and leave me.
I’m not sure what to feel about myself. Am I a pedophile? Was it wrong of me to feel attracted to her? I’ve always thought it was only natural to be attracted to younger women. I never meant to harm them.
What do I do now? I can’t look at myself in the mirror. I can’t face my friends and loved ones. I’ve never been one for suicide but honestly I feel like if not that than I might end up in an insane asylum.
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