My mother was a hoarder and very hard to get along with. She really put dad through the wringer over the years. She died after 35 years of marriage and dad did nothing with the house, he just worked double shifts as always. He told me he doesn’t know what to do with all the junk. I asked how much of it was important to him, he said everything important to him is in his mini barn. I ordered a dumpster to be parked in his driveway, he and I started throwing stuff away. He didn’t keep anything, not so much as a chair. He and I painted every room in their house, tore up carpet and he had new carpet and flooring in every room. he bought a table with 4 chairs, just a maple set, one nice recliner and a new tv we mounted on the wall. He bought a new mattress and linens and a small table to put next to his recliner with a small light. We moved his things from the mini barn to the garage and set it up. His whole attitude has changed. He only works a couple overtime’s a week and relaxes in his house now. I’ve never seen his house dirty or dishes in his sink. Mom has been gone 6 years now and he said he has no interest to go through that again. It’s just nice to see him happy these days.
I can relate. My wife is a hoarder. She wasn’t when we met. She was organized which I liked about her. We’ve been in the same 4-bedroom house about 30 years. Every room is filled. I can’t stand it. We argue about it a lot. Our kids refuse to visit because of it. We don’t have visitors. There is no place for them to sit. I’ve looked into renting a dumpster but haven’t placed an order yet. It’s more pleasant being at the office. I feel disrespected when she says (even promises) that she’ll handle it and doesn’t do it. She denies that it’s about that. If she dies before I do I’m definitely taking all my vacation for the year at once and tossing most of it.
You may be asking why I don’t divorce and move on. It would be messy. The house is paid off. I don’t want to be alone or get with someone else with a similar or worse situation (baby-daddy drama, drinking, gambling, grifting, etc). l’ll just stick it out as I have been and deal with what I have.