i genuinely disgust myself

recently i’ve been getting daily sexual intrusive thoughts, often about immoral or disgusting acts that would get me locked up if i ever even spoke about them. not only that, but my taste in porn is quite honestly fucking disgusting and perverted. if anyone found out about this my life would probably be over.
i know i’m this way because of trauma from what i experienced growing up but it’s impossible not to hate myself for this and wish i were dead just so i didn’t have to walk around with a disgusting mind. everything else about me is essentially perfect except this, but this basically ruins my entire worth as a person.

What do you think?

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My father sabotaged our lives

Accepting my curse