i have a bf, weve been dating for a long time now and we live together, and we were best friends before dating. but pretty consistently over the time ive been dating him ill have moments when hes not there and ill get rly sad and cry and even resort to s/h at times bc all i can think about is how much i wish i was with a woman, or at least free to do stuff with other girls. but then when he gets home it feels so natural to love him and to be sweet to him. it makes me feel like a horrible person. im not fully a lesbian, and i have a history of feeling things for both guys and girls so im not sure why its such an issue for me with him. it feels like theres nothing i can rly do about it, my entire life at the moment is built off of him. and it also feels wrong to him, like i have moments alone where im overcome by such intense guilt, but then he gets home from work and its like my brain just forgets all of it, and ill find myself being overly affectionate even at times. my brain cant just be entirely making up the loving him when hes there, but then theres still this underlying feeling that im not supposed to be with him. im not quite sure whats wrong with me 🙁
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