My older brother went to college two days ago. The week leading up to him going away was fine, I even was telling my parents that I wanted to sleep in instead of coming with them to help him unpack at his college. Once the day came that he leaves, I decided to go with them to help him unpack, and I do not regret that decision now at all. While we were at his college I just kept thinking of going home, and when we finished unpacking and helping him in, we all had our goodbye hugs. His friend gave him a deep hug. So did my brother. And my dad. And my mom. And his girlfriend. In the moment, I wasnt exactly emotional enough to really process that he was leaving, so I just decided to do a normal dap up hug, not a deep hug. Not an emotional hug. Not a hug that says, “I’m really gonna miss you”, it was the type of hug that said yeah I miss you a bit, but I’m still thinking about how you didn’t lend me your pc while you are gone. I regret that so much. Now, only two days later, I’m sitting in my room, late at night, crying because my last time hugging him didn’t feel heartfelt enough, but yet I still am too much of a coward to come out and text him that I’m sad, because I want to seem chill about the whole situation. I just know that this is going to stick with me for the next few months, so I wanted to confess my true emotions without feeling judged by the people I know.
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