I’m very tired of so much online hinging on numbers. I know they “don’t matter”, but for someone like me who can’t shake the shit upbringing of having to do everything right, they’re shit.
I hate seeing people say the dumbest shit, and there be so many people for it. I do the same and there are crickets. I often think to myself, “Gee, wish I were good enough to be seen for anything I desperately wanted to share or didn’t”. People sharing shit just for said numbers, true or false. I post my thoughts and it’s ignored. Heartfelt things are even worse and completely demotivating. This more than likely will be, too. I don’t know why I came here, but I feel, outside this, “Why post anything if no one’s going to give two shits.” If I wanted to have a conversation with air or talk to a wall, I’d sooner call my bitch ass mother.
I try not to care, but all I see is I just fail everywhere and am just not good enough to be seen or heard, ultimately never having grown past repeatedly being told in childhood, “Children should be seen and not heard.”
I guess he was right and I was wrong, like usual.
*Name is not required.