I am gay, lesbian, 34 and live in a large metropolitan city. My job is in Human Services, and maybe because I am a lesbian who is uncomfortable with this lifestyle I end up counseling other young lesbians, and sometimes older lesbians, who feel as I do.
I HATE what has happened the last few years. NO, lesbians do not want to be OUT there. It is hard enough without being ‘identified’. In my experience, half of the lesbians I work with are married or have been married to men. Why? Because they want what all women want, a home, children, a nice life. Very hard to do when you are coupled as lesbians.
I myself walked down the isle, more precisely showed up at the court house, and married a man from my work. He offered me security, and a nice life, something as a social worker I can’t provide. In exchange I agreed to have children. It scared me, but it was so easy, and I love my children. I have a network of lesbians to work with, and I’m in demand for lesbians trying to make their life work. Once you get past the lust period, then what? My advise is always the same, accept that you are a lesbian, no different than being short or tall, be open to accepting a life married to a man, be totally receptive to being a mother, it is the miracle that makes you a woman. Don’t follow open, out, activist lesbians. If anyone has a problem, they do.
Maybe just maybe you really fall in love. Maybe. But for sure you can learn to love a husband. And let me tell you from experience, a man who loves you will be there for you. So the sex isn’t what you dream of, but the sex is fine, it is actually rewarding, there is something about being a woman to man. An orgasm from a man is quite different. Do I have a lady friend? Well yes, platonically speaking. Well we do share a kiss and a hug. I helped her find a husband.
that’s beautiful. i’m happy for you and your friends. that is how it should be
thank you for this. you are a true lesbian, and i respect you
my wife is a lesbian. she came out to me only. I respect that. I am still paying the bills. I don’t have any sexual relationship with anyone.
we stopped having sex for years but i still give her the privacy with another woman that she deserve.
few times a week, I wish I have sex. How to make my wishes true in my situation without hurting her?
you have been used, Wake up !
You’re really amazing and grounded. Thanks for sharing. PS I’m a man
It sounds like your bi
This sounds so fake.
This is kinda sad
If I confess any of my sex secrets on here I’m in violation of the rules..I bet many of us have had such secret sex experiences…
This is an extremely harmful and disgusting post. Encouraging lesbians to hide who they truly are and not seek the life they truly want is a horrible message, and the moderators should be ashamed they even allowed this onto this website. I thought this was a legit place, but after reading the top posts, I’m not surprised it isn’t.
This was 100% written by a man who is angry and in denial that lesbians— TRUE lesbians— would never want to marry a man. That they would never want to have kids with him, would never find happiness in being with him, would never fall in love with him (or any other man).
The last segment of this post is very telling, and it is how I know this is written by a man. The lines, “be open to accepting a life married to a man, be totally receptive to being a mother, it is the miracle that makes you a woman. Don’t follow open, out, activist lesbians. If anyone has a problem, they do.”
And then the final message about sex and orgasms is very, very obvious. This is absolutely horrendous and isn’t a confession, but a harmful opinion. What a horrible website, and a horrible person. The moderators should be put to shame.
i agree, stop using men. stand up for what you are
I just read this. I am a lesbian, 58 years old. I live in a large city, so lesbians and gays have their lifestyle. I worked as a parole officer for the police department. Lots of very lost souls, male and female, straight and gay. Most don’t respect their paroles, and end up back in jail. I kept my feelings to myself for a very long time, well into my forties. I did things in the dark of night, sworn to secrecy. It was very hard to ‘come out’. Actually I wish I hadn’t. My life changed, for the worse afterwards. People want to say they support gays and lesbians, but they don’t. You are never part of their life, at best an acquaintance. A fellow officer lost his wife due to illness. He was very much alone and quite helpless when it came to taking care of himself. I offered to move in and be his housewife, I didn’t need his marital affections, if he would look the other way when I sought out affections with a close woman friend. He agreed on the condition that we actually get married. We did.
I can testify that marrying a man does not bring your lesbian life to an end. I can testify that you can and do fall in love with a man. It’s a lot more platonic, but over time you do share affections. The first time you drop your towel and let him see you it was very anxious, it was not anxious when he walked around naked. I didn’t fear his penis. When it came time to accept him, I did. It wasn’t hard at all. I held him as tight as I could so he could finish. It was the best feeling in the world to hold him and let him finish. I learned an awful lot that day, about myself and that did not make me straight or bisexual. I just did what a wife does, let my husband have me and get physical and have sex with me. So much for being scared with the towel on the floor. I never worried about being naked again.
We have been married ten years now. We travel a little and for our tenth anniversary we took a holiday vacation. We met a real nice couple, they have been married almost forty years. She is a lesbian. He is straight. They met in college and he asked her to have children for him. She accepted. It wasn’t so drama. It was a man who wanted a given woman to have his children, and that was a pretty good reason to get married.
All I’m saying is this. Being married doesn’t make you straight or bisexual. You can and do still have feelings for a woman, and if your lucky that woman responds to you. Sex with a woman is not sex like you have when your twenty. It is sensual and mostly caresses and a lot of kissing. The same thing happens between a man and woman.